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Unfailing Faith


Growing up, I did not really have much that I could believe in. I was dealing with my mental illnesses, being bullied, and was lost in my food addiction and unhappiness. My grandmother, God bless her soul, was relentless in showing God's love for me. Even when her health was deteriorating, she had unfailing faith in God. She was like Job, no matter what was thrown at her, she never turned her back on God. She wanted to show me that God loved me. I did not listen.

When I was in my 20's, I tried going back to Church, and giving God a try, but, was shunned by the Church my family used to frequent, because I was born out of wedlock. An associate Pastor's wife said that I had evil in me, and wanted to perform a ritual on me to rid me of evil. I bolted right out of there and never looked back. What kind of person would say that to a lost soul? I know I've made mistakes in my life, but, to say there was evil in me, how is that going to help me?
After that, I did what I usually did when rejected, I rebelled. I blamed God for giving me a hard life.

I am in my 30's now, and I have been learning a lot of lessons about faith. I grew up knowing about God. I was taught the Bible. I knew it pretty well, but, did not listen to its message. I was stubborn.
I have been working on my relationship with God for the past several months, trying to make sense of everything. Even now, when things are pretty rough, I know God still loves me. God is here with me. He may not be taking my troubles away, but, He is walking through it with me. I am meant to go through this hard time. I am meant to rely on Him for guidance through this.
God knows my strength, and He would not throw these hard times at me, if He knew I could not go through it. In a way, it's His way of showing me how strong I really am, it's sort of a gift. I know what you're thinking, it's a pretty sucky gift, but, I know I am going to be okay.
I have dealt with so much in my 30 years of life. So much that many people cannot comprehend.

Looking back, I know God would not have thrown these experiences at me, if I could not get through them. He has always been there for me, despite my mistakes. He is always there for you as well. You may not believe it, but, it's true. You may not believe, and that's okay. I'm not going to force you or judge you. People have to decide for themselves. I had to decide for myself. Forcing someone to believe in something or someone does not make the faith look glamorous. It makes it look like a scary cult, especially when people pass judgments on others without knowing the person and their story. I have a friend who is transgendered, and while the Bible is clear about that, I love this friend. This friend is probably the strongest and most loving person I have ever met. I don't judge her lifestyle, nor will I ever judge her lifestyle. Just like I am God's child, she is God's child too, which makes us sisters. One thing I have learned recently, you DON'T turn your back on family, no matter how they live their life, or what their situation is.
I will keep growing in my faith in God, because I know He is good. I want to show God's love, and NOT pass judgment on my brothers and sisters. I will stick up for those that are judged for their lifestyle.

Life may throw me curve balls, but, I know I am safe in the palm of God's hands.

(photo courtesy of: http://holyprotection.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/footprintsinthesandnofoilframed1a1.jpg

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